Some years ago, I proposed the title Connecting with Others for a leadership program. It did not resonate with the executive team of the organization. They thought it was fluffy! which implied it lacked depth or seriousness. At first, I was surprised. In my mind, connecting is one of the most important and most challenging tasks of a leader. However, they did not oppose the content of the program, just its title. When I came up with: The Power of Influence, they approved!
Let’s talk about these two concepts in the context of leadership: Connecting v. Influencing.
Connecting as well as influencing are about the other person. When you connect with people, you let them know that you are there for them, that you care, and they matter to you. In the words of the leadership expert, John Maxwell, connecting increases your influence in every situation. Influencing is about persuading people to take a specific action or to follow a path. Both influencing and connecting are social skills. If you want to influence others, you better know what is important for them and find ways to connect with what they want. Knowing your audience is the first step to influence people. After you study your audience, you must identify ways to connect with them. I see a lot of parallels between both concepts.
Why do leaders think that connecting is a fluffy topic and influence is not? It could be because they relate connecting with emotions and many leaders in organizations still ask employees to leave emotions at the door. Those leaders need to make a mindset shift and consider how the global pandemic changed the world and the workplace. Today, leaders need to show more empathy than ever and that implies connecting with people. When you connect, you are in a better position to exert influence and obtain desired results.
My top five recommendations to connect with people are:
1. Be present – let the other person know that you are noticing him/her and make every effort to avoid interruptions.
2. Listen openly – active listening will help you stay engaged and curious about the other person’s interests and needs.
3. Be empathetic – recognize what matters to the other person even if it is something not related to you and be supportive.
4. Be honest – genuinely share your thoughts and perceptions.
5. Be vulnerable – show your human side, don’t hide your emotions or your imperfections.
The conversation around a topic being fluffy or not helped me improve the title of the program and its content. I was able to differentiate connecting from influencing and to also link both concepts. Connecting gave the warmth I wanted to convey to participants when relating to others and influencing provided the techniques to do it effectively. In the end, we validated the importance of both attributes in a leader.
Our mission in Evvolution is that organizations become better places to work and employees feel engaged and interested in giving their very best every day. We develop leadership skills to improve working relationships and obtain faster results.
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About the author: Wilda M. Torres, PhD in Industrial Organizational Psychology; President and Founder of Evvolution Consulting; Senior Consultant Organizational & Leadership Development.
Copyright 2021 Wilda Torres Dba EVVOLUTIONPR. All Rights Reserved.
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